Fresh Start

Unproductive week

Its already Sunday and all I'm doing is watching Games of Thrones LOL I've only started watching this series last 2 weeks and it got me attached from the first episode haha since then I've been trying to watch everything since Season 5 will premier tomorrow! Thank goodness am watching Season 4 now so i wouldnt be that left out.

Aside from watching GOT, I did however had some fun moments too. Which is not that surprising since I'm always going for fun these days. HA HA HA

Loretta's Birthday

It was my long lost buddy, Loretta, birthday last Wednesday. So, whats birthday if there isnt some drinking done. Nah joking..

We had dinner at D11 steamboat with her two friends. Ehhh before that, we went to the cinema to watch FF7. I know what you're thinking, about the ending of the movie right? Surprisingly, I didnt cried at the ending. But i assure you, I agree that the ending was indeed very..... moving and sad? maybe so. It was awesome just like any other FF. (btw thanks Lo for chia-ing the movie tickets ;) )

Later we went for dinner. Dinner was great, all I took was lamb lamb lam and chickens. Ha ha i love lamb! who doesnt..  We spent some times there talking because Loretta hadnt met her two friends for quite a while.

The Almost 'Furios Accident'

When we were on our way back to the place where Lo's friend, Sul left her car, we almost had a crash. It was all thanks to me...... Gosh i still feel guilty! It went like this, there's this straight drive where suddenly there's a freaking traffic light! Yea, i call it a freak why? because i didnt see it. I was driving 80km/h and how would you expect me to do an emergency break just sec after noticing the red traffic light.. Then there was a car doing a U-Turn who almost knocked me because it was their turn to go actually and since i was on a 'rush' for not seeing the Red, we almost knock each other. Thank engineers for making a brake so he was the one who had to brake so i just went away like a jerk. The car went in total silence later hahaha Gosh.. ok thats it.

Next Place

So we arrived at the place where Sul parked her car, and went through the farewell moment. hahaha After Lo and me got into the car, we didnt know where to go next.

So I just drove around aimlessly and finally got us at 5 Foot Way... Yea, and that was how we end up at a bar. Again, I brought a friend during their birthday there. Im good at bringing people to have fun. Nah, joking hahah We just had a bucket of beer and spent the whole time talking and joking. Did some reminiscing of the past too. That is a must when we meet

and finally the bar closes and we had to go back, by that time it was already 1.30am. I drove her to her hostel and then i drove back home.

UCSI

On Friday, I went to UCSI University to submit the required docs for my enrolment. I know.. i know.. I 'was' studying at Swinburne before and shit happens and i quitted and there i am planning to study in UCSI instead. Its still a closed matter which i havent talk openly with other people. Why? because I hate the talking and stuff. People might judge and talk blablabla and i just hate that.

The Semester will commence on 5th of May so my holiday is starting to feel limited now. I wanna cry haha this is why i'll go enjoy every single day of it and once I start studying, I swear I'll focus on just studying and weekends, go berjimba as Loretta calls it hahaha



And yea, that's how my week went. and shoutout to my broken hearted sister, be strong there sissy! I've been through that phase twice and I lived. People might advise you to let go and i know its easy said than done, but trust me.. one day you'll get through this and look back at it as an experience. Love ya and do know that im here. Always.

After..

Hi readers.. I know it has been a while i didnt posts. Well I was busy doing nothing but procrastinate .

First thing i would tell about is, about my late mother death. She died on 19/05/14 at 11am. I was at uni when my sister told me. I just went back from seeing her on Sunday (she died on the next day which was Monday). I was in total shock. I asked my friend to pick my things at library and i drove back sobbing and still in shock. I booked the earliest flight which was at 4pm but i went to the airport and managed to do an emergancy change flight time with the 3.00pm flight. When I was at the airport, i was listening to Fix You - Coldplay. I dont know why but i was hoping that the song was really gonna fix me. I sat there and thought where mom would be nw. Was she looking at me? Was she sad leaving me? Did she smiled and have a calm last breath? It was all over my mind and i end up breaking down at the departure hall and i could care more about the staring i got. I arrived at Miri and my two niece was alrdy waiting for me. I was afraid to go to my uncle house (which was where my moms funeral being held), i was afraid to see how things was. I cant imagine seeing my own beloved mother dead. DEAD. Its a very cold word. I just realized how horror that word means at the moment. 

I arrived at the house and there werent many people. But i can see they were all looking at me, the one who my mom adored so much, the one who took care of her for so many months but loved to do so, the one who everyone knows loved my mother as much as she loved me. I couldnt handled it anymore and thankfully my sister came out to hold me and i broke down in her hug. I was so super sad. I went in and saw the temporary casket which was like a fridge (it was to preserve the body). It was a very sad scene to see. She was sooo thin and she looks cold. I cried so hard cos i really wish that what i was seeing is just a dream. I wanted to tell her i really love her even until that moment. I remember her saying (the last few weeks before she died), she said "bupu anak kidih. Na sempat neh uih nier nemuh rayeh. Na ne betangal neh ulun muh sinier kuh. Bupu anak kidih tecin kuh." Translate : im sorry my daughter. I couldnt see u grow up. I didnt even manage to see u grow the half of your life. Im sorry my daughter for leaving you this soon. You know, even when im typing this im crying so hard. Its just too pathetic of me for being in this state. Me and my mom, we're so attached to each other. Like every other mother-daughter relationship, we love and sometimes quarrel but deep down we know we love and adore each other. I admit i love her more than i love my father. 

I couldnt imagine her leaving me when im  this young. When i was a kid i prayed that we would die together. But i guess i didnt prayed hard enough. 

So the next day we brought her body to Lawas and held a short funeral at our house before continuing our journey to our village, Long Luping. I was touched seeing so many relatives and friends came to her funeral. Their hugs was all i could hope for. (Gosh, my tears seem having fun droping nw). When we drove to Long Luping, there was like 10 or more cars with us. It was a very respectful moment for her. But again, when we reached our home at Long Luping, everyone was crying and my moms siblings who wasnt able to come to Miri was crying so hard. Mom was everyone favorite and hope. She was the second eldest and she was having alot resposiblity towards her siblings and parents. I was a bit relieved to see so many people but all the cryings made me sad again. That moment was when i realized, that that night would be my one last night seeing her. The next day would be her funeral and i wouldnt have the chance to see her face again. 

The next day finally came. Her coffin was brought to the church for the last time. There was a short slide show made by one of her colleague. It made everyone cried even harder. Her smiling face, her laughing face, her serious face. It all but made my heart ache. I see her coffin infront of me and said to myself, "mom u better as sure know that everyone will miss u so hard that u will be proud of how attached people are to you. Esp me, im gonna be empty after this.." I cried. And cried. And cried. Then when finally they lay her casket at the graveyard, i felt calm. I felt like i made a memoriable good bye. But deep in my heart, i know, it wasnt the end for us.

She will forever be missed and be loved. 

Mom, i miss you so much and i mean this.